I was out and about St. Louis last weekend and I got hungry. I was not really that close to home, and I was very hungry, so I stopped in a nice looking house, and they were just sitting down to lunch. How lucky! I was hungry; they were having lunch, a perfect connection! I sat down at the table next to some old guy and waited to get some grub. But can you believe that these rude people actually asked me to leave? They were all like, “Who are you?” And, “What are you doing in our house?” They actually threatened to call the police if I didn’t leave! Can you believe it? I tried to explain to them that I was hungry and that being hungry is a personal thing and did not affect them. Appetite and hunger is from God, so ultimately, these rude people were trying to interfere with my personal relationship with Jesus Christ! Now that is rude, that is more than rude…it’s… (Gasp)…intolerant! HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE DENY MY PERSONAL RIGHTS!! I should call the police on them! They are sure to see my side of things! Maybe I can petition the Supreme Court and make it unconstitutional to deny anyone free range of your dining table!
That’s what I’ll do! No one, not even God Himself, has the right to deny me a personal relationship between me and my stomach! And, if some rude person dares to serve some food that I am deadly allergic to, I will also be within my rights to sue them! HA HA!! I think I’ve stumbled upon something great here. I mean, it works in the Church, why not for me?