Thursday, May 18, 2006

Memo to Pat Robertson from God

Wait a minute...I think I'm getting something...Nope, just that bean and potato burrito. Damned
Big Bell Value menu!

TO: Pat Robertson, basic nut job who won't stop "talking for God"
FROM: God Almighty, Maker of Heaven and earth, Father, Son and Holy Spirit
DATE: 18 May 2006
SUBJECT: SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!

Pat, it has come to My attention (I am omnisicent), that you have started "talking" for Me again. Apparently, if you heard Me right (which is just ludicris! I have made Myself abundantly clear in a little book you may have heard of...THE BIBLE!) "...the coasts of America will be lashed by storms," and,"There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."

Now, Pat, honestly, this has gone too far. If I, the Pantocrator, the Most High God, YHWH, were going to do something, do you really have such a big ego that you think I would clear it with you first?

Now, don't get me wrong, I still love you. I am God after all, and I am love. But, Pat, I'm beginning to think you're the reason that bumper sticker was made. You know the one, it always makes Me laugh, it goes something like "It's a good thing Jesus loves you, because everyone else thinks you're a butthead."

Pat, enough of this. I've told people all they could ever need to know.

Your Creator, Savior, and Sanctifier,

2 comments:

Der Bettler said...

Okay, I'll bite.

Is it forgery if I scribble some incoherent ramblings about sitting beside a pond on a cocktail napkin and tell someone it's an original manuscript of Walden by Thoreau?

Simply put, no one (save a few Pentecostal loonies) could believe this is from God. This is a literary technique known as satire. It exposes the folly of Pat Robertson "speaking for God" by portraying God as "speaking back," using language and ideas actually used in His revealed written word. This satire is particularly effective in this venue, since the author obviously knows his audience is primarily Lutheran, a group of Christians who historically have not tried to hear God speak apart from His word.

Besides, I would like to think that the God who created me knows the difference between the pronoun "your" and the contraction "you're"!

Jim Roemke said...

For those of you that do not know what "der bettler" is referring to, someone posted a comment saying something to the effect that this memo was against the law because it was a forgery. And, by the way, the error with the contraction has been corrected.